During its last two seasons I felt like I was being held hostage by what was supposed to be the greatest show that has ever graced our screens. Did you feel like that too? If the answer is yes then I am sad for you but also happy that I am not alone.
But there were lessons to learn from the shambolic shambolicy that was the GoT “finale” and season 8 in general. I don’t mean the “beauty in the subtlety” nonsense we have been trying to convince ourselves of to make up for the trash our beloved became; I am talking actual lessons. For me the last season of GoT was a lot like the last few months of a doomed relationship. All the signs were there, but we chose to ignore even though it was always doomed, doomed from the first time we saw Jaime and Cersie get their incest on.
*If you are here for the list of shows that end better than GoT the scroll straight to the bottom BUT if you don’t mind me rambling on for a few paragraphs then pull up a chair and get comfy, I am about to go innnnn baby*Let us start with the most glaring issue, for me anyway: the writers checked out long before the last dragon flew off with Daenerys’ cold corpse in its tallons which correct me if I am wrong; happens quite a lot when you are wanting to break up with someone. The writers cared so little about things making sense that they wanted us to believe that a dragon. A. DRAGON. Knew what the “iron throne” was and decided MONUMENTALLY to take one last act of defiance and melt that bad-boy down *pshhhhh* but the very same conscientious beast didn’t think it a bit much to smoke thousands of people???
Say it with me: the writers didn’t care.
This has happened to me at the end of a relationship. I was so bored dating my first boyfriend that toward the end, even when his excuses about hairdressers needing to stay at his house made absolutely no sense; guess what? I didn’t care. And neither did D&D.
I’ve never truly been angry at a television programme. I have always managed to accept whatever happened with a pinch of “this isn’t real Yinka” and go about my day. That was until Bran ‘Roll Your Eyes’ Stark became king. I am not in the habit of rooting for the bad guy but Bran? Really? All of the blood? All of the eligible candidates? This is who we end up with? Pretty much identical to seeing your old partners new girlfriend, you were the one who encouraged him to get braces, you were the one who insisted he ditch the boot-cuts. You threw away the Lynx. YOU were there shooting in the gym, and this is who ends up on the Iron Throne? Ridiculous. I realise that this post, from the jump has been a GoT bashing session and whilst I am not sorry for that (they deserve it) I also know that we, like all relationships before they end; had some good times. The time Khaleesi survived a night in flames and then did it again when she killed every-damned-body in Vaes Dothrak. The time that Sam killed the White-Walker and Little Finger pushed Sansa’s crazy aunty through the moon door. B-e-a-utiful telly and lest we forget the walk of shame? Shame! Shame! Reminds me of another kind of walk of shame. One that is hopefully a tad less nude and follows something a touch more enjoyable than being locked in a room for weeks on end.
But that is ultimately my point. Things never turn out as we wish and whilst I am definitely reaching here that is the lesson I am choosing to take from Westeros and all of its inhabitants.
Even with all of these issues we still returned, every week (the die-hard of us even did so at 2am) just to get more of the same thing; disappointment. I thought I had grown up and learned a lesson but no no I am still that silly girl going back over and over again to someone who 1. Didn’t deserve me and 2. Proved itself from the episode with the accidental takeaway coffee cup; as a fraud.As promised, here is a list of shows that ended better than Game Of Thrones:
- Breaking Bad
- How I met Your Mother
- Sex And The City (yes even with the terrible second movie)
- The Sopranos
- The Wire
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer
- Every show ever apart from Heroes & Lost
I don’t think it would be fair to end this masterpiece of a blog without a few of the things that made no sense about Game Of Thrones, things that legit kept me up googling for days after the show ended. Things that I hope you have figured out, but also know you definitely haven’t because the end of GoT was like the end of most relationships: without closure:
- The swirly pattern that the Night King was so fond of.. I mean why did they even do that to us?
- The woman in the mask… What on earth was going on there?
- Jon Snow coming back to life.. I am happy for him but what was the point exactly?
- Benjen Stark and his whole half-white walker- half- hero shpeel
- Watching Arya become a faceless man for what felt like 3 seasons only for her to use the power a total of 3 times (I am not sure how many times but it wasn’t enough)
- The Prince who was promised and that entire nonsense prophecy
- What the Night King even wanted
- BRAN FFS
On one final note please excuse the lack of blog pics, call it divine inspiration without a cameraman 😹😹