My two pence… cents?
We live in a world/ climate/ environment (I am actually not sure which one is applicable here tbh) where I think it is popular, to proclaim and scream and shout about absolutely everything that happens.
This used to be sharing the good: the job promotions, the babies, the engagements and marriages. I must admit that for a little while I became a tad cynical at the constant announcements and news but let me tell you now: I was wrong.
I was wrong and I miss it. Don’t get me wrong I know it still happens, I know we still share our wins online but do you know what has taken pole position? What has pipped the “I’m excited to announce…”tweets to the post? Outing your “friends” and I am very confused. It seems to be everywhere I turn and I just don’t understand why.
This blog entry isn’t to be confused with my “Real Quick” piece where I spoke about the trend of cutting people off. These are two different subjects but equally as interesting I think.
I still hold the opinion that in extreme circumstances; cutting people off is necessary and I have spoken a little about the times that I have had to do it, not in-depth but enough to give you context. What I haven’t done is screenshot messages and shared them for the timeline to giggle at. And I couldn’t imagine that being something I would ever do.
Friendship isn’t that is it? My friendship group, which is composed of 2 of my sisters, a cousin, 3 life-long family friends and a few stragglers we picked up along the way; is indestructible.
Now I know you shouldn’t jinx things by putting them out into the ether but I know this for a fact. I can say this with my chest, the same way I can say that Meek Mill’s opinions will never EVER stop me from wearing my beloved lace-fronts. That ain’t ever gonna happen and my mates ain’t ever gonna stop loving me.
I know what you’re thinking “Yinka you’re mostly talking about family” Yes yes I am and what is wrong with that? The way I see family is simple, a bunch of people who essentially are linked by one thing: blood. It is up to you to decide if after childhood, you still want to hang out with these people. I can even break it down a little bit more: these are the people I trust, the ready-made best mates my parents and their siblings were so kind as to produce for me so when it came to adulthood of course the sisters that taught me how to do my hair, what to do when I got my first period, how to shave my legs and what not were my first choice of friends (my brothers too but for slightly different reasons).In the 10 years I have had my solid group of friends: babies have been born, we have shared enough tears to fill a couple of pools at the Ibiza Rocks Hotel, we have lost jobs, parents, weight.. You name it, but the one thing that stayed the same? The trust between us.
My friend’s have meant more to me than any guy who has come and gone so when I see people blasting their once “partners in crime”, sharing secrets they were once told by someone who trusted them explicitly; it scares the hell out of me. My friends have the ability to end my career with the things they know but they wont. (Don’t worry I haven’t embezzled company funds but you know what I mean)
I don’t have any fear that I will log on one day and see my nipples on the timeline but who does? Who really thinks that their closest will do that to them? But it happens.
We live in a time where anybody can go viral and the easiest way seems to be at somebody else’s expense. But what does it take to turn on a friend? Over the last few months I have seen more “exposing” by friends than ever before and I wonder why because even though I know the lure of retweets and likes is powerful, is it really enough of a reward?Whenever I write posts on how much social media scares me I feel like I show my age, when I am horrified by people fighting on Insta-Live and sending their location so they can really put “on-sight” into practise I think maybe it is just a different time now, but no. I can’t accept that.
I refuse to accept that the people you hold dearest and invite into your yard will be the ones to tear you down, yes this has always happened but it just cannot be the norm. My fear is that it is already too late and my point will be chewed up and spat out as fast as these stories no longer entertain us.
This post essentially is about trust and I need you to understand why I think it is so important: we are all human and we all make mistakes/ do dumb stuff. Every single one of us. If you can’t trust your friends, if you can’t confide in them and expect them to keep your secrets, to be the ones who have your back in then what do you have?
Imagine every time you argue with someone you have the fear that they will tell the world the worst thing you’ve done. Hang your dirty laundry for the timeline to giggle at. It’s madness.
I don’t know what to do to counter it, which is quite frustrating as I am usually the person who brings solutions to the table but not today really. Part of me thinks that maybe we should wait for the trend to be over, wait for everyone to realise that publicising that your bestie cheated on her boyfriend isn’t the solution to the fight you’re having but I am not sure if it will ever end.
With the attention these scandals bring and our new obsession with being as visible as possible and lest we forget how de-sensitised we are now to others suffering, will it only get worse?