Have you ever cut someone off, never looked back like bye-byatch?
I don’t know if it is me, I haven’t gotten that far in deciding just yet, so while reading this post; which is about real-life unfriending, take it as a little bit of a work in progress, with a pinch of salt. A thought that is currently being expanded and built upon so to speak. But with a solid opinion on this whole “no bad vibes” “cut a girl off real quick” narrative that I see thrown around the internet.
Let me start as I usually do, with a story;
I go on holiday with my friends quite a bit, all 10 of my best friends; we take trips as often as work & popping out babies allows. On a side note you may notice that I call A LOT of my friends my “best-friends” but that is because they all are. At this time in my life: if you have made it THIS far and aren’t considered a bestie then you’re not really my mate. Probably an acquaintance xoxo
Anyway we are on this holiday and we are by the pool discussing all of the people who have come and gone over the years, the friends who didn’t make it this far and this made me realise that these instances (of friends becoming strangers) are actually far and few in-between, for me at least. I have accepted that mates of mates are no longer invited to the function. I’ve awkwardly bumped into ex-friends of my friends and half waved but never engaged in lengthy conversation like the great friend I am, but I rarely ever stop talking to someone who is my friend for good.
I remember a few years ago when I actually cut a friend off. Ended the relationship then and there and never looked back. Well that’s a lie, I did look back, I think about it all the time. Sometimes I feel bad and think maybe I should’ve given some constructive criticism before I sent them on their way just so they knew to do better next time. With someone else.
But the thing is; am I supposed to feel this way? If someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, how much responsibility should you take in finding a solution? To force them to take responsibility?
The new trend online is to cut people off and I am not sure if I am comfortable with this. When I say “trend” I mean it is the most basic of ways: it’s become popular.
I have cut two people out of my life and I hope I never have to do it again. Because for me, the girl with 10 best friends, it isn’t something that comes easily. I can’t quite get my head around all of the stipulations for friendships that I see online.
“No Bad-Vibes” is something I see strewn everywhere and it makes little sense to me. If we are going off of the old-age-adage that your friends are the family you’ve chosen then aren’t you always supposed to be there? through the good and bad?
I know it is easy to have hot-takes on twitter and I doubt anyone really wants to have only 100% positive people in their lives, no matter how attractive it may seem in the 140 or 240 or however many characters we can have, no one in their right mind is that happy 24hrs a day, its unrealistic. And to expect your friends to only have positive things to say? It’s unfair.
Setting these rules for your friendship just seems silly, with this line of thinking your mate isn’t even allowed to have a bad day and we ALL have bad days don’t we?
Let me get this straight: I am all here for letting the guilty party sweat a little. If someone is in the wrong or done something to you, leaving them for a sec to realise what they have done? Definitely. Punishing people unnecessarily? Nah. And there is a difference, of course there is. I find it so weird that people take pride in their ability to cut others off. That is horrible. When thinking about my two victims, I wonder if they know why I cut them off? I wonder if they think I am just a weirdo who disappeared one day. Do you think that they wonder why they are blocked? Are they reading this now?
I am not the person who revels in ruined friendships. Don’t worry I am not naive I know the quest for clout is on but do you people not have those feelings? I am left feeling empty, from the fact that two people who I saw daily, who sat on my sofa and ate at my table; are no longer welcome. So to go on twitter and talk about it so casually? I dunno. It scares me a little.
You know what also scares me? People that rock around saying “I didn’t talk to so & so for 5years” with a smile. A smile on their crazy face, you think that is an advert for your personality? Spoiler alert: IT ISN’T. It is a terrifying trait: to be able to cut someone out for the smallest of reasons. It doesn’t make you some kind of sexy savage, no. I liken people who cut others off for fun to those who stop watching a movie half way through.. How could you?
This piece isn’t meant to convince you to reconnect with the friend who had an affair with your husband, oh HELL NAH. But it is meant to make you think just a little bit before you proclaim how easy it is to pretend people don’t exist, before you screen shot the evidence of your friends’ bad vibes to share with the timeline.