Crazy, Sexy, Cool

But definitely NOT in that order 

This is a post that has been on my mind for a while and has definitely spent too much time in the ‘Drafts’ section of my blog.
I am not really sure why, but I haven’t delved into relationship-type-chat on here. It hasn’t been a conscious decision but thats not important becaaaause all that is changing today.
This post is a bit of therapy for me because I am guilty of a few strange dating habits (putting it very nicely there) and I wanted to share a bit in the hope that I can save a few people who are doing the weird things I did (again putting it nicely) and also I am publishing this in the hope that I am not alone in some of my bizarre behaviour *shrugging emoji*

I have spent A LOT of my adult-dating life trying to be the ‘cool’ girl, the one that can hang with the guys. I have prided myself on being the girl who doesn’t require too much maintenance and/ or attention. Proclaiming just how much I don’t need to be taken out or taken care of, at one point you could probably catch me screaming from the roof tops about just how happy I am with how little the guy I am dating has to do “I DON’T NEED GIFTS” “I ALWAYS PAY” “WHY GO OUT WHEN YOU CAN STAY IN AND WATCH TELLY?” Every day Yinka? Really?
The thing about taking on the role of the ‘cool’ girl (especially in my case where at times it was HELLA forced) is the you leave very little room for anything else.
When you set the bar so low the person you are dating doesn’t have to do anything to deserve your attention.

YES I said DESERVE. I don’t think I am some special kind of princess, there aren’t a series of tests, trials or tribulations that one must complete before taking me for a cheeky cocktail BUT there needs to be a certain amount of effort, otherwise eventually (and this will happen) you’ll go CRAZY.

I must admit I use the term ‘crazy’ quite loosely, let me tell you a story which best articulates my point;

I was dating a guy (who shall remain nameless because you mayyyyy just dislike him as much as I do by the end of this lol)
You know when you are seeing someone and you know, in your heart of hearts that this is over? But you give it one last chance? And.. Well.. This is what happened:
‘Ahh babe let me take you to dinner’ he said.
I mean after a few weeks of me paying for pretty much everything I was (prematurely) gassed. So we get to the restaurant order food and wine and all of those romantic things; sounds lovely doesn’t it?
I don’t know about you but I get nervous on dates and not for the reasons you would think. I get nervous because when the bill comes I really do want to pay my half and not just in the super polite way. But funnily enough this date wasn’t like that. As I referenced before I HAD been paying, MORE than my fair share and this was supposed to be the moment of change! A new leaf if you will? *SPOILER ALERT* It wasn’t.
You see I had done that thing, that ‘cool girl’ thing where I paid my way (which was fine) but then I paid his way, then our way, then his cousins way… And I didn’t say anything, so when we came to the end of this supposedly romantic meal why was I so shocked that he smiled and shrugged when the bill came?
If you spoke to this guy he would probably tell you that I was cool at first, things started off well and then I changed. I became sensitive or I switched for no reason. Im crazy.. And thats the thing I am.. To him. He is probably running around town at this exact moment telling everyone just how nuts I am.
To me? I woke up in a cold sweat one morning (very dramatic) realising exactly what was happening.
I had done the thing I always do; played it cool, acted as if everything was bless-up-irie and then realised that I’m not that guy.

I am more than capable of looking after myself, I have been doing that for quite a while now, but this isn’t about that. It isn’t about someone paying my bills or TAKING things from people, its about the fact that I am so willing to give that I actually need someone who gives too. Otherwise I am left with nothing and that just isn’t good enough. I feel good saying that. Is it FINALLY knowing my worth? Maybe. But more than that, it is me finally feeling comfortable with demanding the best from the person who wants to take up my time.

Gone are the days of acting & pretending to be cool and ending up crazy lets just keep it sexy shall we? (Maybe I am a princess after-all lol)

Have fun looking at these:

(Shout out to everyone who caught the TLC album title *wink face*)

11 thoughts on “Crazy, Sexy, Cool

  1. Getting that email when you publish a new post is the best. Please post more!
    I love the idea of this, Iam the same I definitely pretend I’m ok with things that I’m just not. It is a hard habit to break but we can together Yinka!

  2. Your blog is so relatable m, i look at your insta and i see someone impossibly beautiful but when i read your words it’s like talking to a friend

  3. Oh I love!!!!!
    You know I think this is a very common thing especially for women to do, we want to be seen as different from the types of girls who are goldiggers and when I have done that it has always ended up with me being the sugar mummy
    Hard not to cut yourself off after a few times don’t you think?

  4. You are not alone Yinka this has happened to me so many times and even more then that when a boy has a ex as a best friend m. I pretend it’s ok but it isn’t. These things never last and we just have to try to be more demanding
    You’re very right
    Esther xxx

  5. Wow! This is exactly why I’m currently single. Two of my recent past relationships were exactly that. They were draining – emotionally and financially. I just finished reading “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov and I’ve learned not to let these guys get used to walking over me. I felt guilty for allowing/teaching them to get comfortable with ripping me off. It’s actually disgustingly shocking.

  6. Nah yinka you actually speak sense, it is good to see form girls point of view. With me i am so happy when i see a girl who wants to go halves but i hoep I have never made someone feel this way you know

  7. The minute I read your title, I instantly thought TLC. I love a lot of the songs on that album. But regarding your post, you brought up such a good point. I’ve noticed that guys are so quick to call a girl ‘crazy’. Many treat you badly, then when you stand your ground, they act as if you are stalking them outside their house.
    I think women are taught too many rules. We’re suppose to be sexy, chilled, classy, funny but not too funny, smart but not too smart, slim but still have curves…it goes on. And from a guy, it’s like oh if he’s funny and nice. Sorry I’m rambling but this has me thinking. Awesome article 🙂

  8. Balance is key.

    Slightly different situation but personally speaking I enjoy taking care of my loved ones and family. However being on the receiving end can be a little embarrassing at times. I even found myself on the highly
    disproportionate receiving end once.It was awkward and it did not last. Not being comfortable with that I somehow thought if I started making more money than i did at the time I would be able to keep our relationship going and do more for us. Unfortunately the more time i spent earning money the less time we had to spend together. Things quickly deteriorated after that.
    Finding balance in the beginning can help build any strong and lasting relationship we may have. They ( f@ccbois ) can only become accustomed to what is allowed.Being straight forward makes a big difference. Do not be afraid to spell it out either. Things like “I’ll pay for dinner,can you grab the tip?”.Allow them to step up, let them show you if they are really there for you or just the ride. And sort them accordingly.

  9. Mad to think that someone had you and drove you to the point of just leaving
    I know you probably get this all the time but if i had you not
    You you’ll know you’re a princess

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