But definitely NOT in that order
This is a post that has been on my mind for a while and has definitely spent too much time in the ‘Drafts’ section of my blog.
I am not really sure why, but I haven’t delved into relationship-type-chat on here. It hasn’t been a conscious decision but thats not important becaaaause all that is changing today.
This post is a bit of therapy for me because I am guilty of a few strange dating habits (putting it very nicely there) and I wanted to share a bit in the hope that I can save a few people who are doing the weird things I did (again putting it nicely) and also I am publishing this in the hope that I am not alone in some of my bizarre behaviour *shrugging emoji*
I have spent A LOT of my adult-dating life trying to be the ‘cool’ girl, the one that can hang with the guys. I have prided myself on being the girl who doesn’t require too much maintenance and/ or attention. Proclaiming just how much I don’t need to be taken out or taken care of, at one point you could probably catch me screaming from the roof tops about just how happy I am with how little the guy I am dating has to do “I DON’T NEED GIFTS” “I ALWAYS PAY” “WHY GO OUT WHEN YOU CAN STAY IN AND WATCH TELLY?” Every day Yinka? Really?
The thing about taking on the role of the ‘cool’ girl (especially in my case where at times it was HELLA forced) is the you leave very little room for anything else.
When you set the bar so low the person you are dating doesn’t have to do anything to deserve your attention.
YES I said DESERVE. I don’t think I am some special kind of princess, there aren’t a series of tests, trials or tribulations that one must complete before taking me for a cheeky cocktail BUT there needs to be a certain amount of effort, otherwise eventually (and this will happen) you’ll go CRAZY.
I must admit I use the term ‘crazy’ quite loosely, let me tell you a story which best articulates my point;
I was dating a guy (who shall remain nameless because you mayyyyy just dislike him as much as I do by the end of this lol)
You know when you are seeing someone and you know, in your heart of hearts that this is over? But you give it one last chance? And.. Well.. This is what happened:
‘Ahh babe let me take you to dinner’ he said.
I mean after a few weeks of me paying for pretty much everything I was (prematurely) gassed. So we get to the restaurant order food and wine and all of those romantic things; sounds lovely doesn’t it?
I don’t know about you but I get nervous on dates and not for the reasons you would think. I get nervous because when the bill comes I really do want to pay my half and not just in the super polite way. But funnily enough this date wasn’t like that. As I referenced before I HAD been paying, MORE than my fair share and this was supposed to be the moment of change! A new leaf if you will? *SPOILER ALERT* It wasn’t.
You see I had done that thing, that ‘cool girl’ thing where I paid my way (which was fine) but then I paid his way, then our way, then his cousins way… And I didn’t say anything, so when we came to the end of this supposedly romantic meal why was I so shocked that he smiled and shrugged when the bill came?
If you spoke to this guy he would probably tell you that I was cool at first, things started off well and then I changed. I became sensitive or I switched for no reason. Im crazy.. And thats the thing I am.. To him. He is probably running around town at this exact moment telling everyone just how nuts I am.
To me? I woke up in a cold sweat one morning (very dramatic) realising exactly what was happening.
I had done the thing I always do; played it cool, acted as if everything was bless-up-irie and then realised that I’m not that guy.
I am more than capable of looking after myself, I have been doing that for quite a while now, but this isn’t about that. It isn’t about someone paying my bills or TAKING things from people, its about the fact that I am so willing to give that I actually need someone who gives too. Otherwise I am left with nothing and that just isn’t good enough. I feel good saying that. Is it FINALLY knowing my worth? Maybe. But more than that, it is me finally feeling comfortable with demanding the best from the person who wants to take up my time.
Gone are the days of acting & pretending to be cool and ending up crazy lets just keep it sexy shall we? (Maybe I am a princess after-all lol)
Have fun looking at these:
(Shout out to everyone who caught the TLC album title *wink face*)