It’s Me, Not You (Probably)

As I sat in my living room on a random Thursday night regaling my friends with the tales of yet another ‘crazy’ who tried to take advantage of me/ thought I could get them a job on radio/ cat-fished me/ seemed ordinary and then turned out to be anything but; I stopped mid-sentence. Not because I forgot the punchline to my story (she had a secret folder in which she kept candid photos she took of me) but because finally, after years of feeling like the victim, I realised the pattern. The common denominator if you will: ME

I won’t tell you that this is the hardest post I have ever written because frankly it isn’t, I thought it would be for a number of reasons. I thought that I would struggle with the words but no no they have come pouring outta me (although I’m not sure that reads well lol)
I thought I would be apprehensive approaching the subject, after all I assume at least a few of the people I am talking about are going to read this. But that doesn’t really matter does it? Because I am owning the blame, or at least my fair share of it.

Lets start at the beginning; I blame my mum for this. When she was alive you would never meet a more forgiving woman. Of course this is a fabulous trait. In moderation.
Buuuuuuut it really isn’t when it comes to allowing toxic people to re-use you.

I have this really bad habit (thanks mum) of trying to find the good in people, of not holding grudges and of forgetting or blocking out the bad things that people do.
Thats more than one I know, I know, got a little carried away lol.
I also know that these don’t seem like bad habits BUT when you apply them to the ‘crazies’ from my far-too-many stories they become very bad, very bad indeed.

I feel like now is probably the time to say that I am not making excuses for this kind of behaviourΒ πŸ‘‡πŸΎπŸ‘‡πŸΎ

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By writing this I am not telling you that I agree or accept when people do horrible things. But I am trying to accept what I do to encourage this type of behaviour. I have never been a “no-new-friends” *Drake voice* kind of person, but I have noticed that with my job and the attraction it seems to get I have to be little more careful with who I allow into my circle.
I know that I can’t change anyone (especially not any of the people who have done this to me in the past) but I can attempt to change my own behaviour.
For a little while I completely closed off because I don’t know about you, but finding out that someone you (supposedly) know and trust is using you to further their career is for lack of a better word upsetting; especially when I don’t have much to begin with. When I think about how much people want to take from me, it is just confusing. But thats the kind of world we live in right?
It is kind of exhausting having to vet every person I meet or constantly worry about people I used to know and their fake profiles and the negative comments that are sure to come. But I know I have to change my behaviour otherwise I allow myself to become exactly what I don’t want to be; what I refuse to be actually: a victim (and the girl who cried wolf)

I can imagine that some of the reactions to this post may be to “not let it get to me” or “screw em” and you’re right! So here is a selection of pictures showing just how ‘unbothered’ I am trying to be *wink face*




I’m gonna end this post by saying that I refuse to be scared of making new friends or of being nice to people, I mean I am still yet to meet Kehlani or hang out with The Slumflower (lol)
I really don’t have the energy to worry about every interaction that I have. Am I a bit more careful about who I invite into my life? Yes definitely. But am I going to let a few bad experiences scar me? Nah definitely not.

P.s sorry if you were offended by this post but if the shoe fits how about you lace it up and wear it? (Shout out to Mon for that quote)
Yinka x

10 thoughts on “It’s Me, Not You (Probably)

  1. i actually thought i was the only one who felt this way, my social anxiety has completely stopped me from making new friends because of one bad experience, you are definitely stronger than me Yinka

  2. I swear I’m a victim to this too! Funny enough yesterday I had a moment of weakness thinking about something similar to this but at the end of the day, you really have to guard who you let , because really, the people we let in our lives can either make it so much better, or be the most toxic people.

    I actually love the way you dont attack people or go at people and it seems, to me tht you would be in your right to do so. But you look inwards and at how you can do better
    I feel like a lot of people would benefit from this mindframe
    you are an inspiration
    Thank you for yet another great post, definitely subscribed now!

  4. yes miss bokinni, i love your new writing style
    you are so fn and bubbly on insta its nice to read how your brain works ha

  5. Hey DJ yinka, bit random, massive Beyonce fan and never know her to have friends. Even at her birthday party and she was bit awkward. But maybe try change your social circle a bit hangout in Liverpool the future London or even build friendships in New York and Jamaica just somwere you are less known.
    Sometimes people will love you and like but see you becoming valuable as an asset to exploit, maybe holla a Mequita oliver for some tips she’s smart…

  6. Now this got me waaaooowed.
    Am reading this from Nigeria and I must say your experience with people around you is the same almost everywhere. Only the lucky ones found themselves in good circle. You’re a strong lady and I so much love your courage. Making friends is good, but all heads must be wide open. If he/she is not adding value to you, then that is not friendship coz’ envy will always take the place of love. Keep getting strong and hopefully want to meet you someday soon.

  7. Your posts are really relatable and genuine. Definitely an important read into the world
    Of victims but also maturity and responsibility, I really commend you for sharing it ❀ and I can’t wait to see what else you write πŸ’›πŸ’ƒπŸΎ

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