Hey there (: So I have something to get off my chest lol (you will understand why I find this funny in a short amount of time)
This is a little letter I wrote to an old friend which to be honest is long overdue, hope you enjoy it x
Firstly I would just like to say that I am sorry, I am sorry but (apology void since I said ‘but’) BUT you kinda have to understand and maybe see things from my point of view. Growing up I didn’t notice, I come from a huge family (as you know) and not once did my siblings treat me as the ‘sick kid’
I remember I wore you like a badge of honour as a kid, I learnt everything I could possibly fit into my 10year-old brain and told anyone who would listen “I almooooost died!!!” “Im a freeeeeaking miracle!”
Boy we had some good times didn’t we? Then I grew up.
People staring at my chest cos of my boobs is one thing (and the subject of a completely different letter) but noticing you is completely different. You’re mine. No-one knows what it is like to have you, well at least no one that I have met anyway. I became tired of the curious glances and the constant questions. Especially doing what I have chosen to do for a living.
You are hard to ignore because I think it is kiiiiiiind of obvious that I have had SOME KIND of surgery in the general chest area. Big shouts to the people who think its a botched boob job, just wanna throw it out there that YOU are the real MVP’s
You may (or may not I dunno) be surprised by the amount of DMs I get asking me to tell all or at least offer some kind of explanation as to why there is a massive (is it reeeeeaallly THAT big?) scar in the middle of my chest, why you’re there; the people wanna know. They actually NEED to know.
I used to attempt to cover you with makeup, attempt being the operative word here. In the early days of Instagram I even went as far as to edit you out, which just seems extreme now lol, especially because I had hardly any followers thus no one actually caring about the state of my chest plus I’m incredibly terrible at photoshop.
I hope you can see that even though I waited a while to say it, and it took me almost forever to appreciate you; I got there in the end right?
Its a weird thing because we were cool, then I learnt to hate and be ashamed of you and THEN I had to learn to accept you all over again. I bet you can guess which one was harder.
I don’t think I want to dedicate this letter to people who have a disfigurement because I am not entirely sure thats what you are. I don’t know what you are, I mean I know that you’re beautiful (in your own non-symmetrical, impossible to ignore kinda way) you’re a daily reminder of how strong I am, of just how much I have done and am still yet to do. I look at you sometimes, especially on those days when I am not feeling 100% and I really do think I am lucky to have you. We have the literal reason; without you I would be a goner but more than that I guess you are a mark of honour as such.
That is why I decided to work with the British Heart Foundation, I know that I am not ready to tell everyone everything about you just yet, but sitting in front of a room full of women (and my brother & Albi, big up you two for being the only guys there) and explaining to them that heart disease doesn’t just effect the balding white man who eats too much bacon and wears short sleeved shirts (no offence guys!) well, it made me realise that maybe you aren’t something to be ashamed of. I know this is a bit late and probably long over due but I FINALLY accept you and daaaaaare I say it? I might love you just a bit (:
A few photos of the Mind, Body, Soul event with The BHF, this was the first time I have ever spoken about my heart condition in public eeek