The Confidence Issue

When people ask what I do, until recently I left the blogging part out. I would mention radio and hosting but I’d never say ‘I am a blogger’. There are loads of reasons for this; one of which is that I felt embarrassed.
Now, dont get me wrong, I am proud of my blog and think that it is a very gangster thing (in a good gangster kind of way)
So maybe ebarrassed is a strong word of the emption I used to feel, now I would shout it from the roof tops if the opportunity knocked.

My point is that I used to lack confidence in what I do (or at least what I am trying to do) and that gets, and got, me nowhere. So this post is about confidence; yes the type that allows me to shove on a £10 party wig and pose like I am Beyonce. But also a different kind of confidence, the more you read the more you will understand so enjoy!
Photos taken by @OlufemiPhotography

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When I took these photos I got all dolled up, I stuck a few wigs on a POW I felt amazing. During the shoot I knew exactly how I wanted this post to look, the tone, everything. I wanted to tell the world how confident I am! I mean I’ve been working out, these wigs were a bargain and my clothes are the right kind of sassy…
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Then I came back to reality.
Confidence isn’t some tangible thing that you can hold and possess, it is (for me anyway) a fleeting feeling when I get my winged eyeliner right the first time, or when clothes that I was sure were too small for fit. Yes these are trivial examples, I could, for the sake of it go deeper and confess that confidence in my eyes is like the elusive ‘happiness’ and it is a journey instead of a thing we acquire. Either way it isn’t even nearly a permanent thing.
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Right now I am sitting on my bed surrounded by Depop orders I need to send out today, 12 hours deep into my day whilst surviving on 4 hours sleep (blame LHHNY) I don’t feel so good.
These photos are lush, but right now I’m not so lush, I’m thinking about the difference between the confident being in those photos and the person writing this post.
It isn’t just about having confidence in my body, it is about conviction in the mind.

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To do something, anything; you have to believe in it and that is the type of confidence I am harping on about.
We live in an age of ideas and more importantly we live in an age where you can literally think up your own success.
But with that possibility comes pressure and the ever present fear of failure, doubt is my biggest weakness.
There are many reasons doubt is something I have fought with, but in order to explain i’ll have to tell you a story:
I want to do something so I tell people what I want to do, I either fail at this thing or it doesn’t go to plan. I now have to tell the people who I had originally told the idea the horrible news of my failure and then my good old friend Embarrassment comes to visit for a week and doesn’t leave, drinking all the milk and never washing up his dishes.

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 presetDo you see what I mean? It isn’t the fact that I told people and I failed, no, it’s the embarrassment of not succeeding that can stop you from even trying.


Processed with VSCOcam with p5 presetI put it to you that it is better to try and be amazing than not do anything at all. It is better to fail at the things you love than succeed in nothing. It is better to flaunt it while you feel it and revel in moments than to enjoy nothing.

I know we are in the middle of April and this is no time for resolutions. But hear (or read rather) this! This year you will see me fail more times than ever before, and you will see me get up and continue. Because that is how you become great. Try it with me?


As always I was feeling myself just that teeny bit too much! So have a look at the excess photos (:
Brands are tagged and check out Olufemi Photography on Instagram

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Bra: Ann Summers
Shirt: £1 vintage
Jeans: TopShop
Trainers: Puma


 

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Dress: Boohoo


Until next time! (: x

20 Comments Add yours

  1. Rebecca says:

    So so beautiful
    Inside and out

  2. Pete says:

    That outfit with the gold shirt is 👌
    You are something else!

  3. Hayley Forde says:

    This is just what I needed today
    Sometimes I feel so low but you’re right, if you don’t fail you can’t be great
    Thank you Yinka Bokinni

  4. Amy says:

    How can you be not confident when you have everything? I don’t undetstand!

  5. Kelly says:

    It is interesting to hear about your struggles
    I like the fact that you don’t moan about things you seem to always be looking for a solution
    Keep doing you, lots of love from Germany

    Kell

  6. Dana says:

    In what world does someone like you have the same thoughts as me! This is crazy it’s like you spoke from my mind

    Hats off to you for putting it so beautifully and for the stunning photos

  7. Siobhan Carrick says:

    You are a rising star
    You don’t need to pay attention to what anyone else is doing
    You are an incredible girl

    Thank you for sharing

    Siobhan x

  8. Deab says:

    Oi is it me or have you lost loads of weight?
    Looking good

  9. Jamilah says:

    you speak about things I obsess over, but you put it so simply it makes me feel silly for dwelling. You’re right it is better to fail, maybe we all shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves
    Thanks for the thoughts Yinka
    Jamilah xoxo

  10. Tata says:

    Everyone feels down and lacks confidence, just because Yinka is in the public eye doesn’t mean that everything in her life is 100% perfect
    Come on that is just silly to think of

  11. Tully says:

    What a way to start my day

    Yinka has a beautiful mind

  12. Pearl says:

    Such an inspirational thing to read on the morning

  13. Justin says:

    You are going to go so far it has seriously been written

    Remember yourself when you make it x

  14. danni says:

    ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON YOU GO GIRL

  15. Kelly says:

    Love this and I feel you!! xx

  16. Shannon Kara says:

    I love this post, beautifully written! x

    Shannon // Shannonkara.com

  17. Riss says:

    Love your words and appreciate your honesty. The pictures are pretty cool too haha! x

  18. pagesbyike1 says:

    Hey, Yinka. I just kicked self-doubt and embarrassment out the door and made them do their dishes. Love the humor in your post. Haha! Kick them out, you are full of so much talent and ability! I wrote a post on my blog about this while I was dealing with all these crazy insecurities. You could read here: Hey,boo Whatchu got in your hands
    Thanks for this post. It put a smile on my face.

    http://www.pagesbyike.com

  19. Yolanda says:

    They say “struggle” is part of your story. I love how you did not give up on things you love. With all the challenges you face, you don’t allow them to defeat you. As beautiful as you are, no one would ever think you have some odds in your life. I love how you’re expressive Yinks. 💜 Continue to shine, glow and be more. It’s never crowded at the top, now that’s how it is with success. 🌸

    Much love
    🙂 Yolanda (@yoleigh_m)

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