At the beginning of 2015 I did something different to what I usually do at New Years, I didn’t make the typical ‘resolution’ you see, I made a promise that I would, very simply, be kind to myself.
I know how weird that could potentially sound, but I believe that your brain isn’t (always) your friend you see. I see it as a muscle that you have to train, my brain is the thing that tells me important work can wait until tomorrow, my brain tells me that I look fat in clothes that fit me perfectly, my brain also tells me that I cant be bothered to go for that run, it can be an arse.
So this year, instead of joining a gym or giving up fizzy drinks, I tried to be kind to myself. TRIED being the operative word (its not as easy as it sounds).
As you know I have my vlog; #AskYinka which deals with questions that people send me, and yes I have spoken about confidence on there before, but I find it easier to talk about myself when writing as opposed to using my actual voice. So you can, if you like, consider this post to be a bit of a yearly round up also it is a little bit of an update on my ‘Be Nice To Self’ promise. It is December after all and I have been neglecting my blog recently, so I hope that during and after reading this you get to know me a little better x
How are you so confident? This is a question I get asked multiple times a week, does that annoy me? No, not in the slightest, although I do find it odd, it bamboozles me! Me? Confident? If you asked me to list 100 things I don’t like about myself, like a lot of people, I would have no trouble (I won’t do that though)
The comment that I have been seeing quite often in my inbox is that I am myself. For me, that is crazy, who else can I be? Please don’t get me wrong it took a long time for people to accept me at face value, and a long time for me to realise that not everyone will. The same way I am happy look how I do and being how I am, I also accept that not everyone is ok with this. I used to get weirded out when people would stare at me in the street, thinking that it must be because I am ugly but now I know it is because I have decided to be me, and my style is just an extension of that and that is unusual. People aren’t used to seeing someone being individual so I cant blame them, I have to accept that the way I want people to accept me, it works both ways.
It is amazing that it seems like I dont care what people think of me, yes I know that from the way I dress, do my hair and tattoo myself (not myself myself but you know) it would seem that I dont have a care in the world. This is a myth, I am human (what?!) The proverbial cat is out of the bag!! As a human I am a social animal who craves interaction, love and most of all acceptance, the only thing is that I crave all of these things on my own terms, I have tried in the past to be what I thought society wanted from me; be it wearing certain clothes, speaking or behaving a certain way or even limiting the amount I experiment with my hair or makeup. This doesn’t work, no one can reach their full potential whilst worrying about what the next person is thinking of them. Do you think Beyonce gets embarrassed when Sasha Fierce takes over? I doubt it (although I am not on personal terms with Queen B) if Beyonce wasted her time worrying about what people thought of her I genuinely doubt that she would be in the position she is now.
I am not Beyonce, but I am unapologetically myself. You are stuck with you no matter what, you wake up you, you live your life as you. There is nothing you can do about that, the more you try to change the more unhappy you will be. Once you learn that self love is the most important, YOU become a lot easier to get on with.
I think that in life it is important to ‘count your blessings’ I dont think that the problems I have in my life are any worse than what others go through, and because of this I always try to look on the bright side, take one day as it comes I guess. I am always asked why I am so happy; but I don’t see the point in wallowing on a negative when there are so many small things to be grateful for. I have legs; I know this sounds weird but these are the small thing I am referring to, I am able to do something that I love which feeds me and pays my bills, and is only getting better. I am generally healthy, and I haven’t always been. These are the things I look at when I have a less than awesome day and it puts it into perspective; so I may not have gotten a gig I wanted or had a bad show; but I have tomorrow to try again.
Yes I have chosen an industry where there is competition from every angle. I sometimes look at the people who work in the same type of job as me and all I see are glamorous, camera ready goddesses while I am over here wearing pyjamas because I woke up at 5am, but if I spend all of my time focussing on what others have, that I may not, or that I do differently then I would lose what it is that I do possess. I believe that talent needs nurturing, you have to find what you are good at (obviously I am hilarious) and develop it. Forget about what Tanya, Diane or Harriet are doing and concentrate on Yinka (well not on me, on yourself)
Do not get me wrong, I don’t have this all figured out; some days I feel as if I am sliced bread, others not so much. But life is a journey, a long one and we have the whole of it to figure it out, there is a video that I will pop below that I listen to when I feel down; it makes me feel better, or at least puts things in perspective so I hope you like it, if not just scroll past lol
It is the end of 2015 and can I say that I am happy? Yes in ways, I also know there are things that I want to do differently moving forward but I won’t wait for the 1st of January, there is no better time to start than now!
Stay blessed x