A bit of…

… Me

Around six weeks ago I decided to make a change, whoever follows me on SnapChat will know this already since I have been documenting my progress.
Am I on a diet? Kinda, well yes. But its not just a diet you see, I have made significant changes to the way I live my life in order to try and be the best version of Yinka.
I have been asked quite a lot to blog about my diet and my exercise routine and that is what I meant to do when I first started writing this.. However it very quickly turned into something very different.

This post isn’t a way of me telling you to put down the cake and pick up your running shoes just like I did, no. That would be hypocritical of me to say the least, and it most definitely isn’t me forcing my new found love of kale and sit ups down your throat. NO! It is a little bit more than that, it is me talking about the one thing every woman is obsessed with.
Herself.

I am a woman (SHOCK HORRORRRRR) in the 21st century, that in itself makes what I strive for in my body pretty unobtainable. How on earth does one achieve a tiny waist, a fat arse, perfect skin and all of that stuff? Waist training? They look awfully uncomfortable to be honest. Kylie Jenner lip challenge? Just yuck. Ok so the lip challenge is taking it a tad too far but you get the gist right?

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This is my face… All of it

This has forced me to look at myself in a whole new light, which is what prompted this little post here. I am so used to putting on clothes and make up and telling you what I think of them that when faced with the prospect of putting my thoughts on the way I look into words I actually came up short, telling you what I think of thins is easy. Telling you what I think of myself? That’s the real challenge.

Do I struggle more with body image than the average lady? Probably not, but because I am like most other humans inherently self absorbed I definitely feel like I do.
Am I happy with my body? If I were, would I even be thinking about a post such as this?
Does celeb culture and all of the surgery everyone seems to be having affect me?
How can I be happy? (If I’m not that is)
These are questions whose answers should be plain and simple… should be. But of course the answers aren’t.

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Body image and stuff..

I didn’t join a gym because I did last year and went twice in 6 months, the gym in my opinion, is a scam. I have been working out outside, running 4 times a week, group exercise once. But yet again this isn’t about how running your arse off and doing army style drills will make you feel like a super hero. It is that it took these things, the exercise, the change of eating; to make me realise that until I am happy in myself, with the things I got from my mum and paps no amount of ‘training’ will make a difference.

The hardest part happened before I even started, and it may sound ridiculous but it was accepting my body even at its best probably won’t look anything like Kim Kardashians, I say probably because the insecure woman in me still hopes, of course I know what my limitations are, but how do I compete?
Ok compete may be a bit of a strong word, but how do I compare to the Jenner’s, Rose’s and Chyna’s of this world? The fact is; I don’t, and the logical part of me will tell you that I don’t want to.

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I haven’t suddenly accepted all of my flaws and see myself as this perfect specimen, no no! I am literally attempting to embrace myself somewhat and believe me it isn’t easy. Accepting yourself, really accepting yourself, understanding that you are who you are, that nothing you do and no matter what you are always gonna be you, is bloody hard. I am me, flaws (and there are A LOT of them) and all, even if I try not to be. I AM ME.. So I might as well get used to it.
Who knows, in a few months, after a few more miles I may look back at this post and laugh at my insecurities, I may see what other people see when they tell me I look good or that I’ve lost weight. I may have the ‘perfect’ physique and laugh in the face of cake! But until then I am a definite work in progress.

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Yes I am my worst critic BUT it is so easy for people to judge you and it is even easier for those judgements to affect you, you’re just a face on an app to most folk. I actually wonder if everyone would put so much pride into their appearance if it wasn’t going to be on display in a public forum, then I look at paintings from Tudor times and see the collars those guys used to wear which can’t have been comfortable… Public judgement has always been here now it is just a worldwide spectacle. A beautiful thing which brings people together (like Nokia did back in the day) but it also leaves you open to comments from others, opinions on what YOU do.

I should probably confess that while writing this I was eating some digestive biscuits as is my usual blogging routine.. Not perfect after all.

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Like I said at the beginning of this post, it started as something completely different to what it became. My initial aim was just to talk about the changes that I’ve made recently and how much better I feel. The pictures were to show my new found confidence and love in my body, once I started typing I realised that I am only at the beginning of my journey. And that isn’t the journey to a six pack but a journey to being content with Yinka. It isn’t about love, I love myself A LOT. But you can love something and not understand or like it. I’ve only met one person who was truly at peace with themselves and they were 87.. It’s a long road

The images are shot by my sister Olufemi who is a ridiculously talented lady.

Stay blessed x

28 Comments Add yours

  1. Freda Grant says:

    But you are amazing?

  2. Alisha blog says:

    Very honest words
    You will be surprised to see that a lot of women feel this way
    A lot
    It’s not good
    I’m glad you’re shining a light on it

  3. Carter says:

    Being honest doesn’t come easy nowadays so well done
    You are smoking hot but sill a woman with insecurities

  4. Bethany says:

    I have always said you seem like a beautiful person
    And this proves it
    Such an honest post
    Love it xxx

  5. Kennnnnny says:

    Nice to see a girl talking about this kinda stuff wiv out moaning
    Big up sexy

  6. Hannah says:

    Haha you doing the lip challene would be ridiculous

  7. Adele says:

    Best post you’ve ever done

  8. Janny says:

    This is beautiful
    Written very well 👌

  9. Natty says:

    This is so insightful
    It’s so easy to feel like you’re the only one who feels this way and go think someone who looks like this girl feels like I do is mad
    Much love from Stockholm

  10. Stafford says:

    It’s mad how girls feel this way
    Especially the buffest ones you’re on the same level as the famous ones b

  11. Julia says:

    You look amazing!
    You really have lost a lot of weight it’s impressive ma!

  12. woke up this morning feeling like shit, I felt alone and ugly and like there was no point. Then I red your blog and I can see that I’m not alone in how I feel, girls need to stick together empower eachother and not compete
    Love Wendz

  13. primusgamereviews says:

    Everybody male and female need to understand that we can never be a ditto copy of some model in a magazine. We all have different genetic make ups, bodies and minds. Simply know that an effort to stay healthy and look presentable (which doesn’t have to mean 3 tons of make up and the creation of superficial looks) will be enough.

    You already accomplish something when you strive towards something- courage, discipline, confidence! Don’t let society make you obsess over the details, screw society’s definition of beauty! Be the best you can be and want to be, and leave it at that- it will be enough.

  14. Chantelle says:

    You really have lost a lot of weight though 🙈

  15. It’s great to hear your voice and strong sense of self get stronger and stronger as things become clearer and realisations become brighter.
    You are truly a spark amongst so many sharks. Massive love to you as always. ‘Auntie’Em x x x

  16. Kola bokinni says:

    Proud of you x
    Love from bro

  17. Zahra Studdi says:

    ‘Just a face on an app to most folk’
    So real

  18. femfem says:

    in love with this !!!

  19. Jasmine says:

    Very inspirational stuff 🙂

  20. Indiana says:

    New fan over here 🙋

  21. Jayson Joyce says:

    Saw your post on instagram and a read the blog. As a musician and in the entertainment industry I came to the same conclusions you did..i wanted to be the best I could be but not try to compete with others… plus living in south beach surrounded by perfect bodies all day can make you think a lot about what you think of your yourself and your image..so over the last year I’ve been in the gym every day..what I learned is that the better I looked the more I didn’t care…just cared about reaching goals and helping my health…that said…you are beautiful..very unique..wouldn’t change a thing…so take care of your body because it should be taken care of and maintained… the beauty part is already there

  22. As someone who has never met you but receives your “spirit” here and via radio. I will say your spirit (true you) resonates well and is on a high level. That is the only perfection you should seek. You will view the other stuff in a new light.
    Great piece.

  23. You are just stunning…..Great post Bella

  24. You have a beautiful mind xx

  25. What a beautifully written piece
    You are very talented x

  26. Motilayo W. says:

    Wauw girl, this was so amazing. U really inspired me with this and I’m very happy u put this out there. A lot of people couldnt do halve of what u just did. U are strong and beautiful and I hope you get where u want to be soon!

    Gorgeous pictures. Have a good day!

    Much Love, M
    Blvckorsomething.blogspot.com

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